Off The Clock
by Tinuviel Undomiel
Summary: Also by Nerwen Aldarion, emails, meeting transcripts, journal entries and...zine articles? What the expedition does on the their down time Shweir and TeylaRonon
1. The zine

Disclaimer: Atlantis belongs to men with lots of money, not poor teenagers with only two bucks.

A/N: Tinuviel Undomiel: My sis and I had been wanting to post this idea for a while now, but the site wouldn't ley us type a proper e-mail address, so we had to improvise. When you read this pretend it is done the right way. This fic is going to be pretty wild, so sit back, grab some popcorn and enjoy the show!

A/N Nerwen Aldarion: This fic is going to focus on the pairings my sister and I love so yeah a lot of Shweir and Teyla/Ronon, this chapter not so much of the latter but next chapter I gurantee it.

SPECIAL THANKS: Dr. Dredd, for coming up with Memoranda From the Edge and inspiring this story

* * *

Off the Clock

Chapter1: The Zine

**Mission to P2X-795**

**Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard**

**Our approach to the planet went smoothly, no major problems except for a certain scientists who will remain nameless, _cough_ Rodney_ cough,_ who was yakking away behind me. I think today's conversation was about fast food, and how hot Colonel Carter would look in a string bikini. **

**We were introduced to the natives of the planet. Their leader was a woman named Hydia. She was pretty hot, but she was married. They didn't have anything to offer us, and weren't interested in an alliance, but they let us look around. **

**The landscape was rocky, with a lot of trees. Rodney was sort of plodding along, Teyla was the spryest, and I succeeded in maintaining my balance most of the time, while the Incredible Hulk, other wise known as Ronon Dex, stomped through all rocks. We were getting ready to turn around and head back, when Rodney fell. **

**Now Elizabeth, you know me, and you know I would never do anything to hurt Rodney. I didn't know he was behind me. When he turned around his foot tripped over mine and he fell into the creek. I did not, I repeat, did NOT intentionally trip him Is it my fault he has big, clumsy feet?**

* * *

**Mission to P2X-795**

**Dr. Rodney McKay**

**It was all Colonel Sheppard's fault!**

**I guess I should explain first before pressing charges for assault. The mission was going fine. The people didn't seem hostile and the look on John's face when he found out that Hydia girl he was flirting with was married was priceless. **

**Against my express wishes for my delicate feet, the Colonel decided to have a look around. After wasting three hours of just walking around when we could have done better things such as return to Atlantis for lunch, (I think they were serving pot roast today, there isn't lemon in pot roast is there?) Colonel Kirk/ Stupid decided that we should return home.**

**I only commented that I had suggested that earlier, but Sheppard seemed annoyed by that. He then stuck out his foot, and made me trip and fall on my face. After checking to be sure my nose was not broken, I then protested how rude and childish that was. Sheppard laughed at my possibly broken face, and suggested I be less clumsy. Clumsy! I am not clumsy!**

* * *

Meeting Transcript #45

Typist: Major Marcus Lorne

_The meeting today was about insubordination in the work place. Otherwise known as, Rodney and John fought again._

DR. WEIR: I understand there was an incident off-world today.

DR. MCKAY: It was hardly an incident.

COLONEL SHEPPARD: It was an accident.

DR. MCKAY: It was NOT an accident. He tripped me on purpose, I fell on my face, and nearly broke my nose and I think I have a loose tooth.

DR. WEIR: Broke your nose?

COLONEL SHEPPARD: He didn't get hurt; he just tripped over my foot.

DR. MCKAY: You stuck it out so I would trip! _Can't blame the Colonel if he did trip him on purpose. I've considered accidentally pushing Rodney off a cliff numerous times._

COLONEL SHEPPARD: I didn't trip you.

DR. MCKAY: Did too!

COLONEL SHEPPARD: Did not!

DR. MCKAY: Did too!

COLONEL SHEPPARD: Did not!

DR. MCKAY: Did…!

DR. WEIR: (slams hand on the table) Enough! Now please continue.

COLONEL SHEPPARD: Well after the mission, I went to the Mess Hall for a bite to eat. I should have known something was up because Rodney wasn't there. Anyways, I go back to my room, and my door won't open. Taped next to the door was **I may be clumsy, but I can open a door.** I went to Rodney's lab to talk to him.

Dr. MCKAY: He did not talk, he yelled. He then broke my chair.

COLONEL SHEPPARD: You locked me out of my room!

DR. MCKAY: You tripped me!

DR. WEIR: Stop it! Colonel you will pay for Dr. McKay's chair. Rodney, unlock Colonel Sheppard's door, and both of you stop bickering!

_She looks mad, I sure am glad I'm not the colonel right now. _

Meeting Adjourned

* * *

**FROM: Dr Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**TO: All Personnel-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Mission Reports.**

Due to problems off-world, I am now requiring that all personnel, including natives to the Pegasus Galaxy, to write out reports after each mission. Problems such as who tripped who on P2X-795 can be solved much quicker if all team members tell their side. That will be all.

Dr. Weir

P.S. I would like to see you try and make it up to me Colonel.

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: My apology**

You were right about what you said in your office, I was being childish. I am truly sorry about calling Rodney a Whiney S.O.B. You didn't deserve to hear that even though he is one.

Just to show how nice, and sorry I am, I volunteered to assist Teyla and Ronon with setting up their e-mail. (I'll give Rodney this one, the e-mail thing was good idea)And if that doesn't work, I'll give you my cookie at lunch.

Forgive me?

John

* * *

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re: My Apology**

Thank you for the apology and yes you are forgiven. I think it is very generous of you to help Ronon and Teyla with their computer consoles. Now if you and Rodney will apologize to each other I will be much happier.

Elizabeth

P.S. I may have forgiven you, but your cookie is mine!

-

* * *

_Journal of Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard (The title never gets old)_

_Rodney and I got in a fight on a mission. After a fight at the meeting Elizabeth held, I walked her back to her office and started ranting about Rodney. I guess I said a few things that she didn't like. I think she said I was immature and then kicked me out of her office._

_I made it up to her by volunteering to help Teyla and Ronon with the e-mail system. They've been having trouble with it because they don't understand how it works. So I didn't have the greatest day, but at least Liz isn't mad at me anymore. Now my main mission to figure out how to set up the computers, and keep Elizabeth from stealing my cookie._

* * *

**TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: I can't believe this**

The guy tries to kill me and he gets off with just a slap on the wrist meanwhile I'm losing teeth, do you happen to have any experience in dental care?

Rodney

* * *

**TO: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re I can't believe this**

No Rodney I'm a medical doctor not a dentist and I highly doubt you need to see one. From what I understand Elizabeth gave John a severe tongue lashing, since you have some experience in that area I think you know he received more than just "a slap on the wrist."

What about the Almanac, have you heard anything about it?

Carson

* * *

**TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis.-net, Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re I can't believe this**

That is another thing I can't believe, nobody read it. I mean the Atlantis Almanac is a way for people to understand the medical and scientific things geniuses like me have to do in order to ensure this city functions perfectly. And nobody read it!

Rodney

* * *

**TO: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net, Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net**

You do realize you are not the only genius on this city Rodney. But I do agree what was wrong with the Almanac that people here found so unappealing?

Radek

**

* * *

**

**TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: You're almanac**

Carson told me about your almanac and I think I can tell you what your problem is. The thing was boring! Nobody cares about the latest scientific discovery concerning the Ancient database or how Wraith Stunners affect the nervous system. If you want to write something that people will read, you need to find other material.

Laura

* * *

**TO: Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re you're almanac**

I think you might be on to something honey, but Rodney is a bit insulted that nobody finds his writing interesting. What do you suggest we write about?

Carson

P.S. Who is Scot and why do you love him?

* * *

**TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re you're almanac**

Don't you guys ever socialize? You write about what people are interested in as in what they are talking about. I could help you with this Friday Night Poker is when I get the latest gossip on this city.

Laura

P.S. Carson, scots is the short term for Scottish as in I love you

* * *

**TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: You're girlfriend**

What can she possibly help us with? I do not want our Almanac to turn into a gossip magazine! Next she'll be suggesting that I become Dear Abby.

Rodney

* * *

**TO: Dr. Rodney McKay: iamagenius-atlantis-net, Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re: You're girlfriend**

Don't insult my girlfriend, Rodney! Now Laura could you kindly tell us what you have in mind? What is it that people want to read?

Carson

P.S.: Your e-mail address flatters me.

* * *

**TO: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net, Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: What you need**

Well the biggest thing that is going around is when John and Elizabeth are going to get together. Seriously we have a running poll between the girls, now you guys are really close to them. I'm certain that you can think of some time when they were just a little too close if you know what I mean. And I want to hear all the details. ;-)

Laura

* * *

**TO: Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net, Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Rodney McKay: iamagenius-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: John and Elizabeth**

Are you insane? What are you talking about them getting together? I spend all of my time with them and I've seen zip, nata, nothing. You girls are all nuts.

Rodney

* * *

**TO: Dr. Rodney McKay: iamagenius-atlantis-net Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net, Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re: John and Elizabeth**

I don't know Rodney. When Sheppard was turning into the bug, Elizabeth was pretty worried. In fact, she hardly left his side. Actually, every time he is in the infirmary, which is a lot, she always sits beside him. Drives me crazy trying to get her to leave so she can get some sleep.

I think Laura is right, there is something there.

Carson

* * *

**TO: Dr. Carson Beckett:whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net, Dr. Rodney McKay: iamagenius-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re: John and Elizabeth**

I was there when John returned from the Daedalus. I remember when he got beamed down; she ran up and hugged him. He looked surprise but, dare I say, thrilled. I'm with Laura too.

Radek

* * *

**TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Rodney McKay: iamagenius-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: You are all insane!**

Absolutely, totally and completely INSANE!

I mean just because she hugged him, she always stays by his side, and he is always checking up on her, and she always worries about him when he's off-world, and he freaked out when she was captured and….

When do you want to start this thing?

Rodney

* * *

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Your generosity**

I thought you were going to do something kind, and worthwhile, not insult them! I cannot believe you gave Teyla the e-mail address xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net and Ronon conan-the-barbarian-atlantis-net. You read Rodney's mission report didn't you?

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir:e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard:football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re: Your generosity**

You've gotta admit it does fit them. I think you should spice up your e-mail a bit. e.weir-atlantis-net is too boring. How about brunette-bombshell-atlantis-net?

John

* * *

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: E-mail**

Brunette-bombshell-atlantis-net? I'm not sure if I'm flattered or insulted.

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: All Personnel-atlantis-net**

**FROM: the-zinesters-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Cyberzine**

**The Zine**

**Love on Atlantis?**

**(Attached photo of John Sheppard & Elizabeth Weir)**

Word is going around about the relationship between Colonel John Sheppard and Dr. Elizabeth Weir. Are they more than just friends? Do they have feelings for each other? It's a safe bet that something is in the works.

Thanks to the intelligent and handsome Dr. Rodney McKay, it is possible that these feelings have been happening from the beginning. When Sheppard had the iratus bug stuck to his neck, he wanted to tell Dr. Weir something. However, when asked what he meant, he responded with "Take care of each other," obviously not his intended death bed confession. Could the Colonel have meant to admit feelings to Dr. Weir?

During the attack by the Genii on Atlantis, Kolya threatened to kill Dr. Weir out of revenge for his killed men. Thanks to the brilliant Dr. McKay again, it has been noted the Colonel responded by yelling violently at the Genii Commander.

A famous scene that has been circling around the base for some time was when Sheppard returned from his suicide mission alive, Dr. Weir is reported from several witnesses to have thrown her arms around him out of relief.

An interview from Dr. Beckett proves that during Sheppard's transformation into a bug, Dr. Weir was frantic, and rarely left his side. Perhaps this expresses inner turmoil for her lover's likely death?

And the most recent event was when two alien entities took over Weir and Sheppard's bodies forcing a remake of _Mr. and Mrs. Smith_, but not before Weir's entity laid a hot one on Sheppard's mouth. Coincidence? We think not.

The evidence says it all; Dr. Weir and Colonel Sheppard are hopelessly in love. To bet when you believe this dynamic duo will get together visit out website at www-thezine-net.

* * *

**TO: Ronon Dex: conan-the-barbarian-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: The Zine**

I was just wondering if you by any chance received the same strange message that I did. Apparently someone has noticed that Dr. Weir and Colonel Sheppard seem to care for each other as more than friends. I was just wondering what your thoughts were.

Teyla

P.S. Do you know who Conan and Xena are?

* * *

**TO: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Ronon Dex: conan-the-barbarian-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re The Zine**

I got the message too, the only thought I had on it was that it was about time.

Ronon

P.S. Whenever I ask Sheppard about who they are he just laughs, so does anyone else I ask.

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: The Zine.**

I'm not sure if you've seen it yet, but if you haven't you should probably read it. Please do not shoot the messenger.

John

* * *

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: I am appalled**

Why would someone do this? Why would they think that we…? Oh my god, I did NOT throw my arms around you! I admit I was worried that you had died, but I merely gave you a _friendly_ embrace.

Can you believe this?

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re: I am appalled**

You got to admit, it is creative. Incredibly wrong, but creative. My favorite part was how you were in turmoil for your lover's likely death.

John

* * *

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re: I am appalled**

My WHAT!

I am going to kill you John Sheppard!

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: My death**

I wouldn't do that, the zinesters will probably write about it.

John

* * *

_Diary of Elizabeth Weir_

_My opinion of my entire expedition team has been changed. After receiving that Cyberzine, I am convinced that I am leading kindergarteners instead of the brightest people from Earth. _

_This Zine is an abomination, not to mention humiliating to me. People are writing about me saying I have an attraction to Colonel Sheppard. An attraction!_

_I have one question really: how did they find out?_

* * *

A/N: So what do you guys think? 


	2. Emails and Puppy Dog Tails

Disclaimer: We don't anything but we do own the puppy

A/N Tinuviel Undomiel:You all wanted a new chapter so we gave it to you. I'm glad everyone thinks it's funny and I hope this makes you laugh as well.

A/N Nerwen Aldarion: Hey this chapter we get some more Spanky and some more Sparky and not one but two Zine articles so I hop you enjoy this chapter.

* * *

Chapter 2: E-mails and Puppy Dog Tails

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Do you know….**

Who could have written The Zine? I asked Rodney to trace the e-mail, but surprisingly, he didn't get any results.

Elizabeth

**

* * *

**

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: You're kidding**

Rodney couldn't do something? Oh this gives me rights to major teasing.

John

**

* * *

**

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re: You're kidding**

That's nice, John, but can we please return to the subject of The Zine?

Elizabeth

**

* * *

****TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: The Zine**

Right, sorry.

I honestly don't know. Lorne?

John

* * *

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: I doubt it**

He wouldn't do that, even if he can be a bit of a party animal. Yes I did hear about the party you threw last Saturday. And I must ask why wasn't I invited?

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: The Party**

So you would like to be the only girl invited to a party full of drunk guys?

John

* * *

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re: The Party**

Thank you for not extending me an invitation.

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re: The Party**

You're welcome.

Now about The Zinesters, do you think it could be Rodney?

John

* * *

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Rodney**

I know that it kept mentioning how brilliant and handsome he was in the article, but I don't see him doing something so childish.

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: I've got it…**

Caldwell.

John

* * *

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT:** **Caldwell**

I don't think he would like to hear you say that, but I did.

Elizabeth

* * *

**Mission to P4X-763**

**Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard**

**Well it started off nice and normal for once. I know, it's a miracle. The Yutharians were really nice, and have this fruit that kind of looks like a peach, except its blue. I think it's called Hido? **

**Anyways, there was this dog. Puppy actually, really cute with big brown eyes, and gold colored fur. It kind of looks like a miniature golden retriever. Now this is the first dog we've come across yet, and it was adorable. Kind of scrawny little guy, so I fed him half of a power bar. He liked it a lot, and begged for more, but I was out. I asked Rodney for more. Either he is still smarting about his little tumble the other day, or he hates dogs because he said, and I quote, "I am not feeding that dependant, flea-ridden, dirty mongrel."**

**Poor dog, he didn't deserve that. **

**Well the Yutharians mostly liked us, but some of them, led by this Kinyo nut, thought we would be the death of them all or something. So he and his horde of minions attacked us by the river. My furry friend bit one guy in the crotch, hehehe that was hilarious!**

**Kinyo's and his thugs turned to be REALLY good fighters. So we were all shooting, and punching and biting. (The dog was biting, not us.) After they were all taken care of, Ronon made a comment about how Teyla should practice more. Big mistake. I think that guy forgot how to talk to girls after seven years. Telling Xena that her skills need improvement was a bad move.**

**Teyla ignored Ronon for the rest of the day. We walked back to the Gate and that dog kept following me. Rodney whined again about how cats are better than dogs. I told the dog to sit and stay, which he did, and then we walked through the gate. I didn't know he would follow me!**

**Please don't make me send him back, please!**

**

* * *

**

**Mission to P4X-763**

**Teyla Emmagen**

**I had heard of the Yutherians from the Belkans but had never actually met them. I was very happy when they presented us their fruit Hido which is supposed to be very juicy and sweet, they are willing to discuss trade negotiations with my people.**

**Colonel Sheppard found a, I believe he used the word puppy, that followed him around everywhere. It was actually very cute and I believe that Dr. Mckay's words about the animal may have been uncalled for.**

**The moment of danger on this mission was when a group of men led by Kinyo felt threatened by us and decided to put an end to us. These men were very skilled warriors and I was very impressed by their stamina. Unfortunately I was trying to stop one of the men from reaching Dr. Mckay who was hiding behind a rock and shooting blindly when another came from behind and was able to push me onto the ground. Thankfully Ronon intervened and I was alright. I expressed my gratitude to him and he insisted that I need more practice!**

**I found that rude and very distasteful and told him so much. Just because I was caught off guard does not make my fighting skills flawed! I believe he needs to find a better way to talk to people rather than insult them at every turn.**

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: P4X-763**

I am only going to ask these questions once.

Why exactly is Teyla angry with Ronon?

And why is there a dog on Atlantis?

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Questions**

**Why exactly is Teyla angry with Ronon?** Chewie said she was a bad fighter.

**Why is there a dog on Atlantis?** He followed me through the Gate. Isn't he cute? Can I keep him?

John

* * *

Meeting Transcript #56

Typist: Major Marcus Lorne

_This meeting is about a dog that followed Colonel Sheppard through the Stargate. Said dog is sitting at Colonel Sheppard's feet. Kind of cute, reminds me of my old dog Barker._

DR. WEIR: Explain why the dog is on Atlantis, John.

DR. MCKAY: I want to know why it is still on Atlantis, and not dumped through the Stargate.

COLONEL SHEPPARD: You're so nice, Rodney, really.

DR. MCKAY: Dogs are dirty, and smell and have no place in the city.

COLONEL SHEPPARD: Oh come on, that's not true. Teyla, Ronon, you're with me right?

_Teyla gives Ronon mean look and then goes back to ignoring him._

COLONEL SHEPPARD: Thanks guys, you are a big help.

DR. WEIR: Back to the main issue: what are we going to do about the dog?

DR. MCKAY: Give it back.

COLONEL SHEPPARD: Please let me keep him, Elizabeth, please, please, please, please, please!

_Dr. Weir looks at the Colonel, then the dog, then back at the Colonel again, and then at the dog. She starts to bite her bottom lip in that cute way Sheppard likes. _

DR. WEIR: I can't take two puppy dog eyes! Alright, the dog stays.

COLONEL SHEPPARD: Yes!

DR. MCKAY: No!

TEYLA: (glares at Ronon)

_Meeting adjourned._

* * *

**TO: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Ronon**

It's a good thing you're glare isn't deadly or Ronon would be dead twice over.

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re Ronon**

Are you saying I was acting hostile towards Ronon?

Teyla

* * *

**TO: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re Ronon**

That would be a yes.

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re Ronon**

I believe my actions are justified, you know what he said, don't you think that it was completely uncalled for?

Teyla

* * *

**TO: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re Ronon**

Considering I'm not a warrior, I'll have to pass.

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Ronon Dex: conan-the-barbarian-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Teyla**

Aren't you going to apologize?

John

* * *

**TO: Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Ronon Dex: conan-the-barbarian-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re Teyla**

Apologize for what?

Ronon

* * *

**TO: Ronon Dex: conan-the-barbarian-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re Teyla**

You have got to be kidding me. You're little comment about her fighting really ticked her off, you didn't see the daggers she was glaring at you during the meeting? I thought you would've considering you were staring at her the entire time.

John

* * *

**TO: Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Ronon Dex: conan-the-barbarian-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re Teyla**

I wasn't staring, and I was just pointing out that she could benefit from some more practice.

Ronon

* * *

**TO: Ronon Dex: conan-the-barbarian-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re Teyla**

I don't think she saw it that way. I think she saw it that you were telling her that she was a bad fighter.

John

* * *

**TO: Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Ronon Dex: conan-the-barbarian-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re Teyla**

I did not say she was a bad fighter.

Ronon

* * *

**TO: Ronon Dex: conan-the-barbarian-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re Teyla**

You suggested it.

John

* * *

**TO: Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Ronon Dex: conan-the-barbarian-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re Teyla**

I didn't mean to, I just want to spar with her more.

Ronon

* * *

**TO: Ronon Dex: conan-the-barbarian-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re Teyla**

Say that and you're golden ;-)

John

* * *

**TO: Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Ronon Dex: conan-the-barbarian-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re Teyla**

If I hear anything about this I'll kill you.

Ronon

* * *

**TO: Ronon Dex: conan-the-barbarian-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re Teyla**

Point taken

John

* * *

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Your dog**

I still can't believe I fell for your puppy dog eyes…again. Can I play with him?

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re: Your dog**

Of course you can play with him. Come over anytime you want.

John

* * *

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re: Your dog**

Thanks, what are you going to call him?

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re: Your Dog**

Pegasus, after the galaxy we live in.

John

* * *

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Pegasus**

That's a good name. I'm sorry but I have to ask, I didn't know that you wanted a dog so badly, is there some other reason why you wanted him so bad?

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re: Pegasus**

Dogs are babe magnets.

John

* * *

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re: Pegasus**

I knew you had an ulterior motive.

Can I come over now?

Elizabeth

**

* * *

**

**TO: All Personnel-atlantis-net**

**FROM: the-zinesters-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Cyberzine**

The Zine

Puppy Love

With the arrival of the new furry member of the expedition, it has been reported that Colonel Sheppard and Dr. Weir spent the entire day together playing with John's dog, Pegasus.

Lt. Moore was doing a security round when he came upon the two of them together playing fetch with Pegasus on the southern pier. Apparently their close relationship got even closer.

"She really opened up to him," Moore said, "She started talking about her dog Sedge, and her ex-boyfriend."

Yes, Dr. Weir has an ex. According to Monroe, his name was Simon, and they were in a relationship for several years. Upon her return to Earth last year, Elizabeth discovered that he has moved on.

"She told him that she was upset at first, but that she had moved on too. What she really missed was Sedge."

"Sheppard understood her feelings, and drew her in for a hug. The interesting bit was that it lasted longer than it should have. I think both of them didn't want to let go."

There you have it; John and Elizabeth have embraced again. Will they ever spend the night in each other's arms? Most definitely.

(For images of Pegasus Pooch, visit our website.)

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Col. Steven Caldwell: col.caldwell-daedalus-net**

**SUBJECT: What is going on?**

I just received an e-mail from some people called The Zinesters. It contained an article about you and Colonel Sheppard spending a night in each others arms. I believe this merits an explanation.

Caldwell

* * *

**TO: Col. Steven Caldwell: col.caldwell-daedalus-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re: What is going on?**

Don't believe a word that article says.

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Col. Steven Caldwell: col.caldwell-daedalus-net**

**SUBJECT: The article**

I'm not so sure; it would explain a lot of things.

Caldwell

* * *

**TO: Col. Steven Caldwell: col.caldwell-daedalus-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re: The article**

What things?

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Col. Steven Caldwell: col.caldwell-daedalus-net**

**SUBJECT: The things**

Just…things.

Caldwell

* * *

**TO: Col. Steven Caldwell: col.caldwell-daedalus-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re: The things**

What THINGS?

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Col. Steven Caldwell: col.caldwell-daedalus-net**

**SUBJECT: Re: The things**

How can you sound intimidating over e-mail?

Caldwell

* * *

**TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelanka: czechmate-atlantis-net, Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Next article**

I'm thinking maybe we should write our next article about the way Dr. Weir acted when John was captured by Ford what do you guys think?

Rodney

* * *

**TO: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net, Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re Next article**

Don't you think you should write about something else beside John and Elizabeth? I mean everybody loves to hear about them but after a while they will get tired of it.

Laura

* * *

**TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelanka: czechmate-atlantis-net, Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re Next article**

What do you mean? What else is there to write about?

Rodney

* * *

**TO: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net, Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re Next article**

Well there is another possible couple that is making the rounds at Friday Night Poker. I believe you referred to them as Conan and Xena?

Laura

* * *

**TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelanka: czechmate-atlantis-net, Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re Next article**

NO WAY! There is absolutely no way that Teyla and Ronon are EVER going to get together, I mean it is night and day, apples and oranges, beauty and the beast, you get the picture?

Rodney

* * *

**TO: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelanka: czechmate-atlantis-net, Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Beauty and the beast**

Rodney, Beauty and the Beast is a romantic love story.

Carson

* * *

**TO: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net, Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Lt Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re Beauty and the beast**

(attachment: security video, sparring room)

I actually think Laura has a point. Lets just say I was looking at security feeds from the sparring room when Micheal was here, I found something VERY interesting.

Radek

* * *

**TO: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net, Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re Beauty and the beast**

Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod!

HE TOLD MICHEAL TO KEEP HIS HANDS OFF HER!

melts into puddle of squeals

Laura

* * *

**TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelanka: czechmate-atlantis-net, Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re Beauty and the beast**

It is physically impossible to melt into a puddle of squeals, though speaking of Micheal, I remember something John told me about when Micheal took Teyla. Apparently Ronon ran through the Stargate trying to get to her in time.

Oh yeah he also mentioned a time when we were kidnapped by Fords men and Teyla and Ronon were on the enzyme. They got into a fist fight and he says that he thought something might be going on. I believe his exact words were, "I was afraid that he was going to throw her on the table and they would start having wild animal sex."

Rodney

* * *

**TO: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net, Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re Beauty and the beast**

Rodney if you are lying I will kill you I swear it, oh my god this is so exciting. Kate is going to owe me 50 bucks by the end of this. You have to let me write this article, I have the most perfect title.

Laura

* * *

**TO: All Personnel-atlantis-net**

**FROM: the-zinesters-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Cyberzine**

The Zine

Beauty and the Beast

(Attached photo of Ronon Dex and Teyla Emmagen)

Word of the favorite pairing on Atlantis, Lt. Colonel John Sheppard and Dr. Elizabeth Weir has been on peoples lips since the shy smiles and flirtatious glances first started last year. Now a new couple is on the rise.

The smiles that Teyla Emmagen, leader of the Athosians, and Ronon Dex, who has been a runner for seven years, have been seen. While unknown exactly when this attraction started team members have been reported to say, "They always have a smile for each other."

It became obvious that sparks were flying to John Sheppard while his team was taken captive by Lt. Aiden Ford. While this was going on, Teyla and Ronon were forced to become addicted to the enzyme and apparently they were addicted to each other. During a fist fight that Ronon started Sheppard has reportedly said he wouldn't be surprised if they were having "…wild animal sex."

Another hint of a budding romance came when the Wraith, Micheal, stayed with us on Atlantis when Dr. Carson Beckett tested the retrovirus. While Teyla was fighting Micheal, things apparently got rough and Ronon was seen running into the room, throwing Micheal against the wall screaming, "Keep your hands off her!" Also when Micheal kidnapped Teyla, Sheppard watched as Ronon ran through a Stargate in the attempt to save her.

These are only a few of the glances, smiles, and little moments that leads to only one conclusion. Ronon and Teyla have unrequited love for each other. To place bets on when this duo will get together go the www-thezine-net

* * *

**TO: Ronon Dex: conan-the-barbarian-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: The zine**

I believe them referring to you as a beast fit you quite nicely.

Teyla

* * *

**TO: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Ronon Dex: conan-the-barbarian-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re The zine**

I asked around, apparently Beauty and the Beast is reference to a love story on Earth. Is that some sort of hint that you like me?

Ronon

P.S. I though beauty fit you quite nicely

* * *

**TO: Ronon Dex: conan-the-barbarian-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re The zine**

**Quote: Is that some sort of hint that you like me?**

No

Teyla

P.S. What you said about beauty, don't bother your charm won't work on me.

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Ronon**

**Quote: I asked around, apparently Beauty and the Beast is reference to a love story on Earth. Is that some sort of hint that you like me?**

**Ronon**

**P.S. I though beauty fit you quite nicely**

What do you think he means by this?

Teyla

* * *

**TO: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re Ronon**

He is flirting and teasing with you at the same time. Now is all of that stuff in the article true?

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re Ronon**

Do you really think he was flirting with me? I mean he did throw Micheal up against the wall but I just thought it was because he hates the Wraith.

Teyla

* * *

**TO: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re Ronon**

He really threw him up against the wall? Why wasn't I told this? And the reason he flirted with you is he either a. likes you or b. really likes you or c. just flirts with any girl he meets. From what I gather it's either a or b.

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Ronon Dex: conan-the-barbarian-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Colonel John Sheppard**

**SUBJECT: Athosian leader**

Did you take my advice about telling Teyla what you said earlier because she was grinning like an idiot while we were sparring and when I asked her what was up she just mumbled about a's and b's. What does that mean?

John

TBC

* * *

A/N: So what did you guys think? 


	3. Rain Drops Keep Falling On My Head

Disclaime: Rich men own Stargate, we're neither rich nor men.

A/N: Tinuveil Undomiel: Hi guys, long time no post I know. I've been busy with reality, but I can safely come back to the fanfiction world. Some really fun Shweir stuff in this chap, I hope you all like it.

A/N: Nerwen Aldarion: Hey ya'll this story is getting more and more fun to write, I can't wait to write the next chapter because since this one was almost entirely Shwier the next one will be almost entirely Spanky so all you Teyla/Dex fans should enjoy it.

* * *

Chapter 3: Rain Drops Keep Falling On My Head

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT:** **Teyla and Ronon**

Do you think what The Zine said was true? I mean, I've seen some stuff too, but do you think it's more than that?

John

* * *

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re: Teyla and Ronon**

Did you really say that they were going to have wild animal sex?

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re:** **Teyla and Ronon**

Hey it looked like they would. He dragged her across a table, and she just smiled like she thought it was a Disney Land ride. What was I supposed to think?

John

P.S. Do you know what the a, b, c, thing she was talking about is?

* * *

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re: Teyla and Ronon**

She was talking about that?

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re:** **Teyla and Ronon**

So you do know. TELL ME WOMAN!

John

* * *

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re: Teyla and Ronon**

Can you shout a little louder, I don't think the Wraith on the other side of the galaxy quite heard you?

I was just telling her several reasons why he might have been flirting with her, and I suggested that it was probably because he likes her. But I don't know for sure, do you?

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re:** **Teyla and Ronon**

I might.

John

* * *

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re: Teyla and Ronon**

You might? Does that mean you do?

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re:** **Teyla and Ronon**

It means I might.

John

* * *

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re: Teyla and Ronon**

Would you stop doing the'I might's and tell me!

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re:** **Teyla and Ronon**

I might.

John

* * *

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re: Teyla and Ronon**

If you don't tell me I'll personally assign you to scrub every toilet on Atlantis by hand.

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re:** **Teyla and Ronon**

You're blackmailing me! I can't believe this you are blackmailing me. Do you really think that is going to work?

John

* * *

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re: Teyla and Ronon**

Get your toilet brush ready.

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re:** **Teyla and Ronon**

You're an evil woman.

Alright, he did say that the reason he said she needed practice was because he wanted to spar with her more. You didn't hear this from me, 'cause he said he would kill me if anyone found out. I'm pretty sure it was serious even if he said it over e-mail.

John

**

* * *

**

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re: Teyla and Ronon**

Interesting, don't worry I won't say a word. Teyla doesn't tell me much, but I think she is smitten. I still say The Zine should stay out of everyone's personal lives, but at least the focus is off us.

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re:** **Teyla and Ronon**

Us, huh? Is that a come on?

John

* * *

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Us**

You know perfectly well what I meant, John Sheppard, and no it was not a come on.

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelanka: czechmate-atlantis-net, Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: We need help!**

It's been three weeks, and so far we don't have anything. No Wraith attacks, no sparring matches just the same old same old.

Remind me why this was a great idea?

Rodney

* * *

**TO: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelanka: czechmate-atlantis-net, Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re: We need help!**

Relax Rodney, it's just running a little slow.

Carson

* * *

**TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelanka: czechmate-atlantis-net, Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: We need help!**

SLOW! We have fans screaming at us on the site, begging for an article, but we can't give them one! What are we going to do!

Rodney

* * *

**TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelanka: czechmate-atlantis-net, Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Me to the rescue**

Here's your story guys.

**(Attached e-mail) **

_**TO: Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**_

**_FROM: Technician Martin Anderson: chevronguy#2-atlantis-net_**

_**SUBJECT: Your request**_

_**(Attached Camera Feed Grounding Station 3)**_

_Sorry this took a while, but I wasn't sure exactly what you wanted. I find it hard to believe that you girls have run out of stuff to say on Friday Night Poker, but I guess the gossip mills have to run dry at some point._

_Well I remembered something Peter Grodin mentioned about Sheppard telling him to erase some security feed. I got his equipment after his death, and I guess he kept a copy. Let's just say that what I saw will get your friends jealous of all the gossip you've got._

_Martin_

Enjoy.

Laura

* * *

**TO: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelanka: czechmate-atlantis-net, Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re: Me to the Rescue**

Laura I love you!

Carson

* * *

**TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net, Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net,**

**FROM: Dr. Radek Zelanka: czechmate-atlantis-net,**

**SUBJECT: Re: Me to the Rescue**

Brilliant, Laura, just brilliant! Why didn't we know about this?

Radek

* * *

**TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelanka: czechmate-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Remember…**

Martin said that John got Grodin to erase the feed. Obviously he didn't want anyone to find out about this. Can you believe this? Did you hear the cold way he told Kolya he was going to kill him? He punctuated each word, but didn't scream it out; just said it in a calm rage. Creepy right?

Rodney, how come you didn't know about this?

Laura

* * *

**TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelanka: czechmate-atlantis-net, Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: QUOTE: Rodney, how come you didn't know about this?**

Um let's see where was I when several Genii men came charging through the Stargate with guns blazing?

Oh yeah that's right I WAS BEING HELD HOSTAGE!

Do you think I was looking for potential romance between John and Elizabeth? I think not.

Rodney

* * *

**TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelanka: czechmate-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Geeze…**

Sorry, Rodney. I just thought that while you were being surrounded by a "hundred man-eating" Genii you would have overheard this little scene.

So we've got the story guys, but it's not enough. This is big, so we'll need more proof. Where are we going to get it?

Laura

* * *

**TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelanka: czechmate-atlantis-net, Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: The Story**

Your sympathy astounds me. You know I still have nightmares about that.

About the story, doesn't he keep a journal?

Rodney

* * *

**TO: Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Radek Zalenka: czechmate-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Operation: Journal Snatch**

I'm not sure who came up with this idea to steal Colonel Sheppard's journal, and I still think it was a dumb idea, but can't back out of it now. Anyways, you wanted a complete account about our mission.

It was decided that Rodney and I would break into Sheppard's room while Carson stayed outside to warn us if he was coming. There was bit of a disagreement to how he could warn us.

CARSON: I can't very well scream at you to hurry up if he's two feet in front of me.

RODNEY: Use your radio.

CARSON: He could still see…

ME: Can't he make some sound to warn us like…a bird sound.

RODNEY: Like what?

ME: He can whistle.

CARSON: I can't whistle.

RODNEY: We have to go before he returns, just improvise.

After Rodney hacked into the door scanner, we walked into Sheppard's room. Surprisingly, it was rather neat. I saw a big book by the bed which I picked up.

ME: _War and Peace_? What's he doing reading this?

RODNEY: Journal? Remember? Now look.

ME: _Stupidní_ _arogantní_ _kříženec _

After searching for a grand total of ten minutes, we had found no journal.

ME: Are you sure he keeps a journal?

RODNEY: Of course I'm sure! He mentioned it over lunch once when some girls next to us were talking about some Bridget Jones book or something. I remember saying how pointless keeping a journal was if no one was ever going to read it except you.

ME: Well we've looked everywhere.

RODNEY: Try his closet again.

CARSON (over radio) Caw! Caw!

RODNEY: Why is he doing that?

ME: Bird sounds! Sheppard's coming!

RODNEY: But that's a crow!

ME: We're out of time. Let's look under the mattress.

RODNEY: That's too obvious.

I shot him a glare, and hefted the mattress up myself. Rodney's face upon seeing the journal lying on the frame was priceless.

RODNEY: Get it quick!

From our radios, we could hear Carson stalling Sheppard which bought us enough time to locate the journal entry we wanted. Rodney wanted to keep the whole thing for other entries, but I convinced him Sheppard would know if it was missing. We got out of Sheppard's room, and Rodney hastily fixed the scanner. I'm not sure what Carson and Sheppard were discussing when we left, but I did catch Sheppard saying this:

SHEPPARD: Doc, I know I have a reputation here but asking what is my favorite position in bed is kind of wrong.

Radek

* * *

**TO: Dr. Radek Zalenka: czechmate-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Re: Operation: Journal Snatch**

I'm definitely having a looooong chat with Carson about his question.

So how is the entry?

Laura

* * *

**TO: Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Radek Zalenka: czechmate-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Entry**

Let's just say we've got all the proof we need.

Radek

* * *

**TO: All Personnel-atlantis-net**

**FROM: the-zinesters-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Cyberzine**

The Zine

Tender is the Storm

Over two years ago a large storm dubbed, 'the mega storm from hell' was on its way to crash into Atlantis. Thankfully, Dr. McKay and Dr. Zalenka found a solution to the nightmare and the city was saved. Most of the personnel were gated to Manara for safety, but for three people who remained behind it become a day not likely to ever be forgotten.

Everyone has heard of how Commander Kolya of the Genii tricked the two men guarding the Stargate to be allowed inside the city. A strike team took over Atlantis and held Dr. Elizabeth Weir and McKay hostage, leaving Lt. Colonel John Sheppard (Major at the time) to recapture the city on his own until reinforcements from the Mainland arrived. This is where things get interesting.

According to the report written by Sheppard, when he heard that the Genii had taken the city and two others hostage, he knew he had to defend it at all costs—killing over 60 Genii in the process.

He lied.

Feast your eyes on the true reason John Sheppard killed all those men in his own words.

_Journal of Major John Sheppard_

_Today may have been the worst day of my life. Considering how crappy my life has been at times, that was no easy feat. Seriously, this rivals the day of my court martial._

_It all started when we found out this big hurricane was coming. Actually it was two of them but, as Rodney said, to boring to get into. Rodney and Zalenka worked out a way to use the lightning rods to power the shields so Atlantis wasn't destroyed. Me, Elizabeth and Rodney were going to stay behind to disconnect the grounding rods._

_Rodney gave me two to cover, while Elizabeth and Rodney only had one, the lazy bum. I'd only gotten to one station when Elizabeth said something about an attack on Manara. I found out that it was all a trick by the Genii to take over the city since her radio was left on._

_Thanks to Rodney turning on the city wide transmitter, I was informed that they were after our medical supplies, the Wraith data device, a Jumper and –of course—the C-4. I got to the goods first and hid the C-4, leaving a radio behind so I could give Kolya my own commands. _

_I told him to release Weir and Rodney then I would escort him to the C-4. Bastard turned the tables on me since Rodney spilled his guts about the plan to save Atlantis. I ended up having to go to the grounding station to separate the rods. Kolya double-crossed me by having two guards waiting. We got into a shoot out, and the switch was busted. _

_Kolya wasn't happy when I told him that, especially since I killed his men. Then he said the worst thing I ever heard. To punish me for killing his men he was going to kill Elizabeth. I don't think I've ever been more scared in my life when he said that. I started shouting at him that I would do anything: give him a jumper, fly it out of there myself etc._

_After waiting for several tense minutes he said, "How is this for credibility? Weir is dead."_

_It felt like I'd been hit with a sledgehammer. I could barely breathe. I couldn't feel the rain beating at my face, reminding me that the storm was almost here. In fact, I'd forgotten all about the storm or the fact that this could mean the end of Atlantis. At that moment I didn't care. All I wanted was to see Kolya dead._

"_I'm going to kill you," that's what I told him. In this slow, calm voice, not shouting it at him, just telling him how it was going to be. I'd never been this angry before. No it was beyond anger._

_Rage._

_That's what it was, rage. As I scoped the corridors, my mind kept picturing Elizabeth, that's always how I think of her in my mind instead of Dr. Weir, shot in the heart, strangled with a wire, a thousand different deaths, each one more horrible than the last._

_Only one thing was on my mind, revenge._

_I wanted every Genii on Atlantis dead, and if that wasn't enough I'd kill them all. Every single one._

_I killed over 60 of them, three on Atlantis the rest as they came through the gate when I turned on the shield. I'm not the bloodthirsty type, but as long as Elizabeth's death was on my mind I was heartless. _

_Kolya contacted me again after I shut down one of the generators. He said that if I didn't turn it back on Elizabeth would die. Apparently Rodney convinced him not to kill her. I told Kolya to put her on the radio, the words, "Sheppard! We're both here!" was the sweetest words I ever heard._

_I had ten minutes to save her. Again her life depended on me. I got to the generator, but one of Kolya's men caught me. Luckily, Ford, Teyla and Beckett had come in from the Mainland and they helped me out. I got the generator on in time, but the storm was almost on top of us. _

_We had to get to the Control Room before the shield came on; otherwise Elizabeth and Rodney were worthless to Kolya. But when we got to the Gateroom the Genii were leaving with their hostages. I told Ford to get McKay while I handled Kolya._

_The shoot out ended with Kolya using Elizabeth as a shield as he edged towards the Gate. I told him I would shoot him if he didn't let her go. "And risk hurting Dr. Weir?" He countered in a confident voice. I knew I'd given to much away, showed that I cared too much to just shoot without a thought to her safety. I knew I had to shoot, a terrifying thought but it was the only way._

_It worked; Kolya released Elizabeth before tumbling through the Gate. I didn't care if I'd killed him; all that mattered was that she was alive. _

_I didn't tell her about what happened. I honestly don't know why I didn't. Maybe I didn't want to scare her anymore than she already was. She'd come close to dieing, she didn't need to know that all those men died because I thought she had. I got Grodin to erase the security feed from Grounding Station 3 in case anyone thought to look. I'm not sure if I'll ever let her know what happened, maybe its best if she never knows how much I care._

The truth is out at last. We all know how much he cares for Dr. Weir, and at last we have proof written in his own handwriting.

* * *

**TO: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Ronon Dex: conan-the-barbarian-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: The article**

Why wasn't I told about this? The only explanation I got for the hurricane thing was that a bunch of Genii came and took over and Sheppard got rid of them. The article made it sound a lot more exciting.

Ronon

* * *

**TO: Ronon Dex: conan-the-barbarian-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: RE: The article**

I can not believe all you care about was how exciting that storm was. Didn't you read the article? It clearly says that Colonel Sheppard has had feelings for Dr. Weir all along.

Teyla

* * *

**TO: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Ronon Dex: conan-the-barbarian-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Sheppard's feelings**

Which part of that is supposed to shock me?

Ronon

* * *

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT:** **The Article**

I know you got the latest article, and I really want to talk to you about it. Is this true that you thought I was dead and that you went out for revenge? Was that really your journal entry? John I have to know.

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Col. Steven Caldwell: col.caldwell-daedalus-net**

**SUBJECT: The Zine**

Am I to assume that since I have heard that you are not leaving your quarters or contacting anybody that everything in the article was true? As soon as you stop hiding in your room I want you to report to my office for a very long discussion about your feelings towards Dr. Weir.

Caldwell

* * *

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT:** **Talk to me**

John you can't hide forever, please talk to me about this. Caldwell is ranting and raving about interoffice relationships and I can't handle this on my own. Damn, here he comes for the fifth time, please talk to me, John.

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: All Personnel-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: (none)**

**WANTED: Dead of Alive **

**(Preferably dead)**

The Zinesters

Crimes: Breaking and Entering, Theft, and Invasion of Privacy.

Description: Unknown. Probably computer geeks with too much time on their hands

Reward: 10 six-packs of beer and better off-world assignments

If you have any information, notify Colonel John Sheppard immediately.

* * *

**TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelanka: czechmate-atlantis-net, Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: WANTED **

You don't think he's serious about that do you?

Rodney

* * *

**TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net, Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net,**

**FROM: Dr. Radek Zelanka: czechmate-atlantis-net,**

**SUBJECT: Re: WANTED**

I told all you this was a bad idea.

Radek

* * *

**TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelanka: czechmate-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Polls**

Who cares about that, I'm sure it's nothing. Check out the polls from the site.

**John and Elizabeth will:**

**Sleep together in a week: 93 percent**

**Kill each other in a week:2 percent**

**Neither: 5 percent**

We're going to make a lot of money before we're through with this.

Laura

* * *

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT:** **Wanted Sign**

Was that WANTED poster really necessary?

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT:** **Re: Wanted Sign**

Yes.

John

* * *

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT:** **So…**

You're talking to me again. Have you given up sulking and will you answer me about what I said earlier?

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT:** **Re: So…**

I wasn't sulking, just trying to avoid the horde of questions such as: Do you and Dr. Weir love each other? Are you going to make babies? Etc.

The answer to if the entry is mine is yes. Alright, I did think Kolya killed you and decided to avenge your death. It wasn't because of my undying love for you.

Elizabeth, you're the best leader I've ever had, and my friend. I know I drive you nuts a lot, but it's because I care. So yeah, if some crazy Genii killed you I will do whatever I can to make sure he pays.

John

P.S. Sorry about Caldwell, I'll take care of that.

P.P.S. About the Zinesters, let's just say if I find out who they are they better not run into any dark alleys.

* * *

_Journal of Lt. Colonel John Sheppard_

_I'm going to kill the Zinesters._

_I woke up this morning to find another article by them, featuring my journal entry from the day of the storm. I was horrified and looked in my journal to see that indeed I was missing a page._

_I got e-mails from nearly everyone on Atlantis. Elizabeth e-mailed twice to ask me if it was true, Caldwell wanted to chew me out about relationships in the work place. I had people knocking on my door wanting to know when I was going to tell Elizabeth that I love her._

_All in all, not a good day._

_I think I convinced Elizabeth that it was because she's my friend that I went psycho like that when I went on my little revenge trip. I hate lying to her like that, but what else am I supposed to do. I told Caldwell the same thing, but I don't think he bought it. He stopped pestering Elizabeth though._

_At least they didn't take the entry from when I had that Iratus Bug on my neck, or during the siege, or when Phoebus and Thalen took over or…I guess it's just a good think they didn't take the whole journal. Then I'd really be screwed.

* * *

_

A/N: So did we make you laugh again? Next chap some Teyla/Ronon goodness. Please push that little purpley button and review.


	4. Kisses and Confessions

Disclaimer: Those guys in Vancouver own Atlantis, we own nothing

A/N Nerwen Aldarion: Hey ya'll this chapter is all me and almost all Teyla/Dex, I think you guys will love it and I know all you Spanky fans will.

A/N Tinuviel Undomiel: Yep, some good Spanky in this one. Next chap is a mixture of both. Enjoy this one everyone, the next one coming soon.

* * *

Chapter 4: Kisses and Confessions

**TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net, Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: wanted poster**

You don't think he's serious do you, I mean you don't think that he really wants us dead.

Rodney

* * *

**TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net, Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: RE: wanted poster**

You guys broke into his room and stole part of his journal that revealed the passionate love he has for the commander, wouldn't you want to find the perpetrators and kill them?

Relax alright, he doesn't know who we are so we are perfectly safe, just don't let anything slip and I mean ANYTHING!

Laura

* * *

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Just wanted to check up on my best buddy**

So how're you doing? I read the Zine article, pretty good huh? Well when I mean good I mean well written obviously the information was false right? So you're not going to do anything stupid like seek revenge right? Right?

Rodney

* * *

**TO: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: RE: Just wanted to check up on my best buddy**

Are kidding? I'm already planning the long torturous deaths of the writers, I'm thinking about getting Ronon involved. I'm certain he knows some good ways to cause pain.

You wouldn't happen to be able to trace the Zine could you?

John

* * *

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Trace the Zine**

NO! I mean, I've already tried, they uh use a scrambler and nobody I mean nobody can trace it.

Rodney

* * *

**TO: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: RE: Trace the Zine**

I thought you said that you could trace anything and that nothing was impossible for you.

John

* * *

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: RE: Trace the Zine**

Oh yes well you know my ego, it's never lacking in confidence.

So about the long and torturous deaths, define long and torturous.

Rodney

* * *

**TO: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Long and torturous**

Unmerciful, only letting off when they nearly die, blood and pain, lots and lots of pain.

John

* * *

**TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net, Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Our deaths**

If John finds out it was us we will be in sooooo much trouble.

Rodney

* * *

**TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net, Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: RE: Our deaths**

I don't care it was worth it even if it did invoke the wrath of John Sheppard.

Laura

* * *

**TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net: Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: RE: Our deaths**

I agree but I do hope he doesn't find out, I heard that some of the military personnel are taking the wanted sign seriously. Hopefully the mission to M3X-538 will help.

Radek

* * *

**TO: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net: Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: RE: Our deaths**

I hope you just mean to get his mind off the Zine rather then finding some beautiful alien lass. With as many women that he sleeps with I'm surprised he hasn't contracted an STD or have Elizabeth cut off certain parts of his anatomy.

Carson

* * *

**TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net, Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: RE: Our deaths**

I agree wholeheartedly Carson, actually we really need to start thinking about the next Zine article, preferably something about Teyla and Ronon. We're getting e-mails from people asking about them and the polls on them have gone down. Take a look:

Teyla and Ronon will…

Sleep together in a week- 43

Kill each other in a week- 36

Sleep together before killing each other- 21

Laura

* * *

**TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net: Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Teyla and Ronon article**

We could talk about the whole Michael incident, but we already wrote about that one. We need something new, but as tight lipped as those two are we may have a long wait ahead of us.

Radek

* * *

**TO: Dr. Carson Beckett: whatsupdoc-atlantis-net, Dr. Radek Zelenka: czechmate-atlantis-net, Lt. Laura Cadman: iluvscots-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Rodney Mckay: iamagenius-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: M3X-538**

You are never going to believe what happened.

Rodney

* * *

**Mission to M3X-538**

**Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard**

**This mission was weird and honestly I have not idea what to make of it. Could the writers of the Zine, thieves that they are, possibly be right?**

**We searched the planet with no real hostilities and found a group of people that apparently worship some goddess of virtue. In thanks to their worship she will protect them from the Doragal, a civilization of thugs that live on the other side of the mountains.**

**We decided to investigate this and in doing so met a priestess named Thera, (no I did not sleep with her, she worships the goddess of VIRTUE remember?) She agreed to help us if we did something for her and before you chew me out for negotiating with out your consent listen to what she wanted.**

**She wanted to see a passionate kiss. **

**She didn't want weapons or food or medicine but she wanted to watch a passionate kiss. Apparently the priests and priestesses had to remain virginal in all things and kissing was a no-no. (Three guesses on what the REALLY big no-no was) I guess she was curious about what passion and kisses were so she didn't break the rules she wanted us to show her what a kiss was, and not just any run of the mill kiss but a real passionate one.**

**You should have seen Teyla's face when she realized that Ronon, Rodney and I were going to have to kiss her in order to get the help we needed, I thought she was going to run away. Well when the kissing began lets just say that things got interesting…**

* * *

**The Zine**

**Love's First Kiss**

Even though the season on M3X-538 was winter, things were heating up where Teyla and Ronon are concerned.

On the recent mission to the planet, in order to win the priestess Thera's help, wanted to watch a passionate kiss and this is how the guy's each had to try out their kisser on Teyla, or almost all of them.

Dr. Rodney Mckay was the first to try his luck but apparently as ardent as kissing a porcupine because the priestess said no.

Then IMMEDIATELY afterwards Ronon jumps in and lays one on her and this kiss made the ice melt. This kiss was long and sensual and had John and Rodney exchanging shocked glances at each other. And when the two finally separated it looked like, dare we say it, that Teyla had wrapped her arms around her neck!

For a moment the two stared at each other for the longest time, one can only imagine what was running through their minds. When they finally separated completely the priestess said that the kiss was indeed what she wanted to see.

There you have it folks Teyla and Ronon's first magical kiss. As you can see it won't be long if things keep heading this way before they finally admit their true feelings for each other.

* * *

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Col. Steven Caldwell: col.caldwell-deadalus-net**

**SUBJECT: Inappropriate relationships**

It has come to my attention that there may be an inappropriate relationship between Teyla Emmagen and Ronon Dex. Need I remind you Colonel that such relationships are frowned upon?

Caldwell

* * *

**TO: Col. Steven Caldwell: col.caldwell-deadalus-net**

**FROM: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: RE: Inappropriate relationships**

It was just a kiss and they only did it for the sake of the mission. Under normal circumstances it would not have happened.

Sheppard

* * *

**TO: Lt. Col. John Sheppard: football-maniac-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Col. Steven Caldwell: col.caldwell-deadalus-net**

**SUBJECT: RE: Inappropriate relationships**

See that it doesn't happen again. Inter team relationships will only cause problems and I am confidante that Dr. Weir agrees.

Caldwell

* * *

**TO: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: I can't believe this!**

OMG! You kissed Ronon and I have to read about it from John's mission report and the Zine!

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: RE: I can't believe this!**

To clarify, he kissed me and it was only for the sake of the mission.

Teyla

* * *

**TO: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: RE: I can't believe this!**

Please Teyla, the priestess said that it was a passionate kiss and from what I hear it was a good one. I want details.

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Details**

You're not getting any.

Teyla

* * *

**TO: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: RE: Details**

Oh come one, was there tongue?

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: RE: Details**

I refuse to answer that question.

Teyla

* * *

**TO: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: RE: Details**

There was wasn't there? ;-p

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Was there tongue?**

Alright yes, I had Ronon's tongue in my mouth.

Teyla

* * *

**TO: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: RE: Was there tongue?**

I knew it! What the Zine says is true isn't it, you really do like him.

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Do I like him?**

Hardly, he is completely unpredictable and at times can be quite rude. He doesn't listen to reason and is quite possibly the most unsuitable person for me.

Teyla

* * *

**TO: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: RE: Yes you do.**

I don't see what the problem is, he is a young virile male (who is pretty attractive at least that is what someon on the medical staff have told me) and you are a young healthy female. It's only natural that you would feel something for him. You don't have to hide anything from me.

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: What do you want from me?**

Do you want me to say that the kiss was by far the most sensual and arousing one I've ever had?" That I sate at him constantly just to admire him? That I spend every waking moment thinking about him and when I when I close my eyes I have dreams that couldn't be appropriate to speak about?

Because the answer to all is yes.

Teyla

P.S. Who said he was attractive, perhaps I'll give her a personal sparring lesson.

* * *

**TO: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: RE: What do you want from me?**

I suppose this is when I should chastise you about falling in love with your teammates but I think I shall pull a John Sheppard and throw the rule book out the window and say: OMG you have fallen for Ronon Dex!

Elizabeth

P.S. When you say personal I'm guessing what you really mean is extremely painful.

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: I've fallen for Ronon Dex**

I will only concede this if you speak the truth about something to me.

Teyla

P.S. Well who is she?

* * *

**TO: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: (None)**

Uh oh.

Elizabeth

P.S. I don't approve of beating up people with crushes.

P.P.S. Your jealousy is kicking in over time isn't it?

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: RE: (None)**

I want you to admit your feelings for Colonel Sheppard.

Teyla

* * *

**TO: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Has that kiss with Ronon…**

…fried you brain! I'm not going to do that in a million years!

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: The truth**

I'm not ignorant, I've read the Zine articles and witnessed a few moments myself, it is obvious to me how you feel. I've admitted the truth to you about Ronon and for the sake of our friendship please trust in me.

Teyla

* * *

**TO: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: I hate you…**

…and your good negotiation skills. Alright you little weasel; John and his puppy dog eyes have me under his spell. I constantly think about how soft his kiss must be and fantasize him sweeping everything off my desk and throwing me on top of it and use going at it right there.

Are you happy?

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: Am I happy?**

Estatic.

Teyla

* * *

**TO: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: You better be happy.**

Now that we have confessed all we should probably delete these e-mails. Otherwise the Zine might get their hands on them and we'd be screwed.

Elizabeth

* * *

**TO: Dr. Elizabeth Weir: e.weir-atlantis-net**

**FROM: Teyla Emmagen: xena-warrior-princess-atlantis-net**

**SUBJECT: RE: You better be happy**

Agreed.

Teyla

* * *

A/N: Did you laugh, did you cry, did you roll around on the floor? Please review if you thought it was good. 


End file.
